Weekend Update

Hello, lovelies.

I dearly hope your Mondays are going well. We're about to get hit with another 5-10 inches of snow here in the KC area. If you're near snow and icy areas, be careful! Stay inside and snuggle up with a book or a person. Or both!

On Saturday my aunt and uncle came to our house for dinner. They brought along their granddaughter [my cousin] Harper. Harper is 3 years old and a huge delight to have around. I showed her my room, we colored some Dora pictures, and watched The Little Mermaid after dinner before eating ice cream. It was a lot of fun. She also showed us some of her ballet moves and we took turns skipping down the hall. We always end up having a good time together.






She went into my old room and picked her favorite stuffed animals. Pooh Bear is always a good choice.

Tangled was on for a little bit!

On Sunday mom, dad, and I went to church at First Baptist in Blue Springs. They became members there in September. We've all volunteered to work in the children's ministry after the 9 am service. It's an early start to the morning but it's been really rewarding getting to work with the kids. I help teach a 3 year old class. It's so fun to watch them learn and connect the dots with some of the greatest stories in the Bible. 

Today was my first day of Assistant Teaching at Gymboree. On Monday afternoons I'll help with the school-age kids. It's basically a PE class and then 2 hours of preschool type activities. Today the theme was "Dental Health" so we made tooth fairy wands, counted our teeth, and talked about the letter T. The kids were all sweet - it was a good first day!

One little story before I go. A 3 year old name Bodie was in the restroom. I noticed he had been in there for a little bit so I decided to walk back and check on him. I walk in to see him standing near the sink shivering. After getting him to go potty in the stool I noticed that my sock was wet. I looked down, and couldn't see anything on the floor so I was pretty confused. I continued helping him. I then noticed his little undies were soaked. That's why he was shivering...he was covered in pee pee. I then looked down to discovered the floor was covered as well. I asked him if he was okay and he looked up at me with his huge eyes and said "I'm so sorry Miss Hannah..." I chuckled and told him that everything was going to be okay. I hugged him, rubbed his head full of blonde hair, and told him I'd go get him some new clothes. Thankfully his mother had packed him another outfit! The little guy was perfectly fine after he got some warm, dry clothes on and we moved on with our day.

Life Lesson: Don't focus on your mistakes too long. Apologize and move on. 

This may be a far-fetched lesson to get out of this occurrence, but I think it makes sense. He apologized and didn't wallow in his tiny "mistake" of missing the toilet. He got new clothes and he was back to his normal self! 

That's all for now. Thanks for reading.

xoxo,

H

Namaste Friday!

Meow! [That's hello in...kitten.]

Today has already been a good day and it's only 2:30. Getting out of bed is getting easier each day which is really nice.

Something that has helped me in the past is doing yoga. It's a true workout. Much better than running. MUCH better.

So here's my morning in pictures.

                                                             
                                                         


OH wait! Last night I had to change my date & time on my old iPod. Maybe my desire to be a hippie comes from my iPod being stuck in the 70's? Who knows.

  

My first task of the day was to hook up the DVD player to TV down in my room. Something I've learned about myself over the years is that once I'm given a task, I really really want to finish it, no matter how frustrated I get. This varies from any kind of task- water skiing, getting my phone cover off, and now DVD players. 

Before...      After!

Life Lesson: Don't give up. Get frustrated and then move on. 

If you've ever wanted to get into yoga it's super easy to do. I use a DVD I got at Walmart called 10 Minute Solutions : Yoga for Beginners. It has five 10 minute sessions. This morning I only did 2 of them and I was sweating! They are great. 

I got my mat at Walmart, too.

DVD - http://www.walmart.com/ip/4120304

Mat - http://www.walmart.com/ip/Sunny-Health-Fitness-Yoga-Mat/14472163

I am in NO WAY a fitness instructor so please don't take this as me "advising you" but I do know that I have seen great results from yoga. I feel wonderful afterward - endorphins are real? - and although I don't dip into the whole "meditation" part of it, I do like the short escape from the daily routine. 

 I simply wear a sports bra, loose top, and yoga pants. I would be careful with loose tops though and find a sports bra that is supportive enough that you can just wear that. Loose tops can be caught under toes and you can fall. [This may or may not have happened to me...] My super comfy yoga pants were $20 at Target. 

Afterward I ate some chicken and rice soup!
 It was yummy.

That's all for now my sweets.
Love,
H

It's Snow Problem, Man!

Hi friends.

Before I show you what I did today I thought I'd show you what I did last night.

This is what happens when you go outside at night to move your car. As you walk out the door you think to yourself "hmm..I probs [probably] should have turned on the porch light.." Then you miss the second stair and you fall.

Life Lesson: Turn on porch lights. They are helpful.

If you didn't already know, it snowed today. Kansas City itself pretty much shut down. Highways, schools, etc. They've been talking about this storm since Monday and last night when it still hadn't flurried, I was honestly a leetle skeptical that it was actually going to happen. After sleeping in [heavenly] I walked upstairs to find outside covered in white.

On left is my poor car, Penelope. She's covered. On the right is our back sun porch.

After sitting on the couch with mom watching Grey's Anatomy and Ellen, I decided to go outside and keep dad company while he shoveled the driveway. By that I mean I took pictures of him working hard until my camera died.

"Keeping Dad Company"

Layered up for the trek outside!

I helped! 

that's 13 inches. Most snow I've seen in my 21 years.

I walked around...

What a man.

Snow Selfie is a must.

Also, I woke up to tweets about "Thunder Snow" which I honestly thought was something that Twitter made up. But no! It's a real thing. How funny. 

Today I did a lot of pinning 

http://pinterest.com/hem91

and a lot of Tumbling :)

http://livetocreateart.tumblr.com/

It's been a splendid getting to spend time with mom. We literally just sat on the couch together. 

Life Lesson: Sometimes, doing nothing with someone you love is all you need.

I give this day a thumbs up. 

Love,

H

A Day of Rest and Reflection [and chicken nuggets]

Hello, you.

Today has been a pretty okay Wednesday. After a therapy session [I'll explain, don't worry] this morning, an hour in Barnes&Noble, and one 10 piece chicken McNugget later I am sitting on the couch listening to my Bon Iver Pandora station. I'm pretty content.

Now about that "therapy" thing I mentioned .5 seconds ago...

On February 5, 2013 I officially decided to leave my beloved home at Missouri State University in Springfield, MO to come home home to live with my parents in Lee's Summit, MO. This decision was one of the hardest and yet easiest decisions I have ever had to make. I had gotten to a point mentally and emotionally that I knew it was what I needed most, but it was also so incredibly hard because I was leaving behind a group of people that have found a place in my heart.

[I'm about to get real with you for a couple of minutes. Take a deep breath and keep reading. Or not, that's totes up to you.]

Near the end of October 2012, about a week after I turned 21, I took a step toward Getting Help by going in to the school's health clinic and being prescribed medication to help with my depression. I was seeing a therapist at the time, and she recommended trying something generic to get me to a more stable place.

Let me help you understand my depression. I've heard many times that people who suffer with depression are just "lazy and want to sleep all the time." or they "just can't deal with life so they decide to be sad over little things." Um, let me just tell you right here and now that those statements and the others like it are completely and fully false. They are lies. They are nothing even close to ways of describing those who suffer. My therapist in Springfield put it in a way to which I can really relate.

"Imagine if life is like telling someone who is standing on a dock to get up everyday and their only task is to swim from one dock to another dock across the lake. Most people can do this. They make everyday tasks like getting up, going to class/work/the store, etc. look like it's a piece of cake...they just swim to the other dock. Now, a person dealing with depression has this same task, but they also have on jeans, hiking boots, a big coat, and life jacket on. Can you imagine swimming with all of those layers? It makes the task of swimming to the other side [going to class/work/the store] look and seem terrifying and awful." 

Welcome to my world. 

There would be days during September - December of 2012 that I never left my bed. I would skip class, skip social outings, etc. I wasn't sleeping at night [another "symptom" of depression] so when I finally fell asleep at 6 am, I was dead asleep until at least 1:00 in the afternoon. If I did decide to get up after that, I had to take a nap probably 3 hours later. I was exhausted from swimming with all my layers on. This was the darkest time in my life/depression. The endless feeling of guilt for not getting up and facing the world kept me in bed longer. I had to make myself get up and just tried not to dread the next couple of hours, looking forward to crawling back into bed. This is what I would label a Bad Day. They were not always like this.

On Good Days I could get up, make my bed, and function like normal and be totally okay. I would come out of my sad little shell for a 12 hour period and suddenly have a new outlook on life and be excited about it. Sometimes I had several of these days in a row. That was always really nice. It made life so much easier when I didn't dread leaving my blankets behind. 

I began to use alcohol and other substances to escape my Bad Days. When I got drunk or high I didn't have to focus on how crappy I felt. I didn't have to face that I had some real issues going on. This only ended badly for me. It ended in waking up the next morning hungover or full of guilt for giving up control of what I was doing. This was not the life I wanted to be living. I know for certain it was not the life I was and am intended for. The Lord [oh yeah, I really love Jesus...I'll write about that soon.] has bigger plans for me and I was letting my decisions cloud that fact from my mind. 

I felt trapped, alone, and desperate for a way out. After some other not-so-pleasant experiences that I'd rather not share to the entire interweb happened, I made the decision to end my life. [Obviously this did not happen. Thank Jesus.] I could honestly find no other option that would provide me with rest and happiness. I just wanted to sleep. I wanted to not worry about anything. To not dread anything any longer. To get rid of the guilt, shame, and emptiness that had made its home in my mind/body/spirit. 

*If you have ever had thoughts like this please please PLEASE tell someone about it. I don't care if it was a one night thing or something...someone needs to know. You need to let yourself be vulnerable for a short time and let someone in. Sharing is a step toward LIVING. You are loved. Never forget that. Find someone who will listen. Who will hold your hand as you cry. Who will hug you. That person will help in 1,000 more ways than you know. * 

I was talked out of this action by a friend and Jesus. I called home, told them to come get me and they did so. I dropped out of school, packed my room/life into a Uhaul, tearfully said goodbye to my loves, and left Springfield. 

It's been 2 weeks. I am not fixed, but I am on my way there. I am being taken care of, looked after, and hugged every day. I did not intend for this to bum your day. I do not, let me repeat this, do NOT want you to feel sorry for me. I DO want your thoughts and prayers, though. I want you to take a close look at your friends and check in with them regularly about how they are really feeling/doing. I did this to answer some questions that people may have. I also did this for me. Writing has proved to be a really great tool to get my thoughts of out my mind. Sometimes when they stay up there too long, they get all dark and twisty and no one needs that. Also! If you do have questions for me, ask. Don't feel weird about it and it won't be weird. I'm good at talking. ;)

Okay. I'm done. It's out there. From now on I plan to be witty and hilarious about my every day life. Get excited. Just know that if you read this, you are loved. and worthy of that love. 

Love,

H

Introductions Part II

Hi again. I hope you are doing well! 
I remember writing in countless diaries while growing up [I never did fill one up all the way] and opening with "Dear Diary, how are you?" It's a book, Hannah...it's doing just fine. Anyway. 
I would like to introduce you to the other people in my life that make my heart smile. [Is that possible? um. yes...play with a puppy or something.]

FRIENDS

Say hello to the Wolf Pack! Maddie, Ally, Mary Kate, and me. We have been close friends since freshman year at MSU. They make me laugh. Maddie and I are very often confused for one another. People get confused when there is so much curly brown hair and a lot of big brown eyes around. Ally is loud, outspoken, and one of the funniest people I know. Mary Kate is the sassy blonde of the group. Sarcasm is her second language and she really really loves Dirty Dancing. These girls have stuck by me through my darkest and brightest days. Though we are apart right now, I know that they are just a group text message away :)

Meet the Lighthouse girls! To the right giggling is Emily. On the left is Olivia, Alisa, and Rachel. These girls are some of the biggest blessings I've ever had. Alisa and I shared a room in the Lighthouse and as a result, she became one of my closest friends! I could tell you multiple stories of how she was a blessing to me, but then this blog would be called "Alisa - the Blessing." Through good times and bad, I could always rely on these girls to lift me up and make me laugh. Our weekly times of hanging out during community time and Bible study were some of my favorites during the year. 

 Now we have Bradee. This picture is from Prom 2010. My senior year and her junior year. She and I were both president of our classes so we got to read the names of people during our school's Grand March. Lots 'o fun. Bradee and I lived in the same neighborhood for several years. When we finally made the effort to hang out with each other, a beautiful friendship was born. We delight in our love of Disney, Frank Sinatra, and boys. She is in med school right now working her way up to being a surgeon so needless to say, she's like, super smart. We love to play games and watch movies together. and look at kitten pictures, duh.

Here's Shannon. We grew up playing with each other because our brother played with each other. She is so freaking hilarious. We can be so insanely silly together and I don't even notice that people are staring. I can literally tell her anything and always trust that she is going to be only honest with me about how she feels. If you don't have a friend like that you should put an ad out on Craigslist or something. [or not...I'd rather not get you murdered.]

That's all for now. Until next time.

Love, 

H

Introductions

Hello, reader. 

How are you? I can't hear you, so I'm just going to assume that you're doing juuuuuust peachy. To start off I think I will make a list of reasons why I started this blog.

Reasons I Started This Blog (clever, eh?)

1. I like to write. [This makes sense, right? Ok. Cool.]
2. It helps me out. [Selfish reason? Maybe...but I don't care.]
3. Everyone's doing it. [Worldly reason? Yup.]
4. My dear friend Rachel has one. [I just really like her. check out her spot!]
5. I want to help others. and maybe make you laugh. [Self-explanatory.] 

Okay. So now that we've got that out of the way I will introduce you to my life. If you know me, then you probably already know about a lot of the first few things I'll explain, but maybe not exactly from my point of view. 

ME

I'm on the left. On the right is my friend Bradee...we'll get to her later.

This is the real me. Kinda weird, but you get used to it.






FAMILY

These people are my favorite in the world. [me, Josh, Ashley, dad, mom]

Josh and Ashley were married on September 1, 2012. Jesus brought them together in Waco, TX and they now live in Redding, CA. Josh is in seminary and Ashley is an RN. Mom and Dad have been together for almost 27 years. They have taught me what real love is just by loving each other. This picture was taken over New Year's Eve. Josh and Ashley came to Lee's Summit for a couple of days. Those days were filled of laughter, tears, and bonding. 

Ashley is like the sister I never had. Mom said the other day that we act like we've known each other forever. I agree :) I'm so glad she's apart of our family! 

Josh is two years older than me. We were the typical sister/brother duo while growing up; never really getting along until he left for college. It's like I realized how great he was when he was over an hour away. After he moved to Texas and got his world rocked by God we became even closer and he has become one of my biggest role models. 

My mom and I are sooooo alike. She makes me laugh, she frustrates me, but most of all? She understands me. I have truly found a lifelong friend in the lady that made me change clothes before we left for church multiple times so many years ago. Crazy! I really think she thinks I'm super weird, but when I do something to make her laugh by being weird? Who cares. I love making her laugh.

At 21 years old I can definitely admit that I am a "daddy's girl." My dad and I are pretty much always on the same wave length. He's become one of my closest friends while still being the protective and supportive dad that he is meant to be.  

SO MUCH LOVE FOR THESE 4 PEOPLE!

I think for now, this is good.

Stay tuned for more of my favorite things in life :)

Love,

H