picture this // life according to my iPhone

hi! here are some pictures. I'm not going to say a lot of words. 

just let you look and move on.

 like a museum! I love museums. 

okay. no more words. xoxo!

my favorite guy

my critter

love you guys!

back to school // plans = ruined

hi, friends.

classes at UCM started yesterday, the 19th, a Tuesday. 

I somehow managed to build a schedule with no classes on Tuesdays - something I'm not complaining about.

so today, Wednesday the 20th, was the first day of my second year at UCM. 

it did not go as planned.

 I fell in love with school and learning at a young age.

back to school shopping was THE BEST. 

new pencils, notebooks, binders, etc.? ugh. my favorite. 

I love planning cute outfits to wear. for church, school, girl's night, etc. 

if there's something to plan what will look good - I'm all up on it.

I had picked out a skirt and cute tank top I would wear for my first day back on campus.

I planned on waking up in time to shower. (hahahaha)

I had planned to go by Starbucks and get an iced coffee as a "yay! school!" motivator.

I had planned and planned and LIFE (the villian in this story) was like, 

"that's what you think!"

sidenote: I recently met a guy, we'll say his name is Chad (his name is not really Chad) and we had gone on a couple of dates/outings. he is a super great guy, super funny, we got along really well, he met the parentals and it wasn't weird, he got my sarcasm and weird sense of humor, he's really attractive, it was going really well, blah blah blah.

Chad and I had made plans to see each other this coming Friday - yay, date! 

LIFE stepped in and was like, "ha! we'll see about that!"

this morning I woke up to a "we shouldn't go on any more dates" text. 

he was honest, respectful, and still a really nice guy at the same time saying 

"we're gonna be done before we even started, hope that's okay."

 it threw off my whole day. 

some people may say "well you weren't even exclusive" but hey, 

I'm human and we are allowed to feel. 

I am not weak for feeling let down, bummed, or a little ticked off. 

(and you are not weak for ever feeling those feels, either.)

so after waking up (late) to that, I had to rush to get ready.

the skirt and cute tank top did not happen. 

leggings and another tank top happened. 

a shower certainly didn't happen - thank Jesus for headbands.

Starbucks was so far out of the question it wasn't even a thought anymore. 

I was so frustrated. I drove the 30 miles to school with that stupid

"I feel like I'm going to cry at any moment" thing stuck in my throat, I listened to Jesus music, and prayed that I wouldn't snap at anyone who talked to me at school (oh don't worry, no one did.)

when I got to school I was rushed. I hate being rushed. I hate being late. 

Especially on the first day of a class - everyone turns and looks at you with their judging eyes. I've practiced my "I don't care that I'm late - I was out being awesome" face in the mirror. 

I definitely used it this morning. 

my first class (Career Development for Students with Disabilities aka "Party Time!") 

went by smoothly. 

it's a 50 minute class so it feels like you get there and then it's time to go. 

Next on the agenda was a trip to the bookstore.

I had a backpack full of books that I needed to return/sell back so I stood in line for about 20 minutes before I realized everyone else had receipts in their hands - I had been so distracted by The Text when I was getting ready that I hadn't even thought about grabbing it. I had to get out of line. One of those moments where I felt like everyone was watching me - when in reality the girl behind me was probably the only one who noticed. 

my next class wasn't until 2:00 so I had a chunk of time to kill. 

I went and found a seat at a table to breathe and listen to some music. 

when you have no friends and have to sit alone, music helps drown out the noise of others and allows your brain to rest. I reach into my bag for my headphones and my stomach sinks when I realize that they are at home - in the cute little basket where I keep headphones. I audibly groan, causing the girls at the end of the table to give me the look of "wow, that girl is ca-razy." 

I was so upset with myself - "really, Hannah? that's the one thing that could have helped you today!" 

I angrily eat my lunch I brought from home. drink my diet coke. people watch. 

I calmed down all over again - hard work. 

there was one thing that could be accomplished - picking up my parking permit. 

this made me feel less heavy. I drove to Parking Services, got my tag, and went to see Brie - a friend from church who lives in Warrensburg. 

we went to a mexican place, talked about life, and ate chips. 

she listened to my complaints and it helped a lot. 

a lot of times that's all we humans need - someone to listen. 

someone to nod their head, make those listening noises, etc.

Brie was excellent at that :)

I got to my 2:00 early, got a good seat, and settled in to learn about how much we're going to learn in World Masterpieces - a literature class. because I love to read and have an interest in history, I think I'm going to enjoy the class. it's going to be a lot of work - but a challenge is nice!

then it was time to go home. the thought of it made me sigh a huge sigh of relief. 

I stopped by Sonic for a cherry diet coke - a must. 

then drove home to Monster :)

I went to the pool for a little bit - had it all to myself - and actually got in all the way. 

*the crowd gasps*

I know, I know. 

swimming, pushing the water out of my way, going from one end to the other was just what my mind needed. 

after dinner mom and I went out and got manicures - a nice little "I'm sorry boys are silly" pick-me-up.

that lady is sweet. also a little clumsy with fresh paint on her nails :)

as I'm sitting here in bed after this day I can now say that I survived. 

at 9:45 this morning on the way to school I honestly didn't know if I was going to. 

but I was constantly reminded that Jesus was with me every step of the journey today. 

He kept reminding me that this was just a bad day.

 there are more days to come. 

there are more sunshines, sunsets, smiles, and tears. 

and for that? I am so thankful. 

so thankful that His still, small voice was cheering me on. 

"I'm on your side!" 

"I'm Team Hannah!" 

that's my God. my Father. my Beloved. 

I have been distant lately - we both know it - and yet He's still there, just like He is every day, 

rooting for me. blessing me, loving me, teaching me. 

and that, my friends, is exactly the way He has planned it. 

xoxo,

H

Once Upon a Time...

as our beloved friend Sebastian the crab from The Little Mermaid said oh so eloquently, 

"the human world...it's a mess."

a'int that the truth. 

our world..our nation..even our state is a wreck.

I was originally planning on writing about Robin Williams' death. I was going to selfishly remind you about my own journey through the dark tunnel that is depression. I was going to remind you of the things people who suffer from depression HATE to hear. I was going to give you the perfect and simple tools on how to be a good friend to someone who is Sad. (capital S because I hate overusing the word "depressed.") But I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to keep shoving words about this awful thing down your throat like so many people on social media networks have done (myself included..) 

Instead? I'm going to tell you a funny story. you may not actually laugh out loud..but if you crack a tiny smirk? that's better than reading an article and walking away feeling like someone punched you in the stomach/soul. (that's how I've felt for the past few days.)

Okay so growing up my best friend Jessica and I did pretty much everything together. one summer we went on a trip to the great state of Iowa to see and spend time with her grandparents that live there. there are many parts of this trip that I will never forget - an INSANE amount of flower gardens, sleeping (kinda) in the back seat of their truck with my legs intertwined with Jessica's, giggling at night listening to grandparent snores that LITERALLY sounded like a chain saw, etc. 

the one event that I will NEVER forget happened the day her grandparents dropped us off at a small water park for the afternoon. we were so excited. FREEDOM! we made the rules, we decided what to do, and we got to flirt* with cute boys.

*stare awkwardly at boys until they caught us staring then giggling and looking away*

*also kind of follow them around at a safe distance but act like we weren't*

we felt so old, independent, and ALIVE.

the park had a wave pool - so fun! so we hung out in the wave pool when we weren't going down slides or following cute boys. if you paid extra, you got a wristband and you could use an inner tube in the wave pool. we did not have wristbands, but because we were on our own, making our own rules, we decided to REBEL and surreptitiously float on a tube with our wrists in the water so the lifeguards couldn't see that we in fact, did not have permission to use the tubes. 

living LIFE on the EDGE, people. 

as brilliant as our wrist-in-water plan was, it did not work. we got caught and yelled at which I absolutely hated. so we were now Those Girls. the Fugitives. 

we decided to stay in the pool and just swim around. at one point I decided to start being a mermaid - duh - and began diving in and out of the water picturing my wildly beautiful fin behind me. 

Ariel would have been SO jealous of my sweet mermaid moves. 

the next 2 minutes (probably not even that long) are going to be burned into my memory for the rest of life. 

I was under the water. swimmin' along, feeling the simulated waves push and pull me through the water. I had my eyes closed - I hated when they would get red from the chlorine - and I was just the happiest little mermaid. the need for air came upon me so I started to swim toward the surface. (as I'm sitting here typing these words I am literally giggling from the absurdity of what happened next.) I can tell I'm almost to the surface when I feel myself having to push against something. in my head I'm thinking, "oh I must be right in the middle of a fake wave and that's making it more difficult. I should just keep pushing because man, I need to breathe." so I go with my gut and keep. on. pushing.

when I get to the top of the water, open my eyes, and look around I am super confused. right in front of me are a pair of swim trunks/legs that are attached to the torso of a boy my age. behind his torso I see the yellow colored inner tube that Jess and I tried to float on earlier. then I see that the torso is connected to a head of one of the cute boys were flirted(ish) with earlier. then I see the look on his face that read, "what are you doing?" then I hear his words, 

"ummm.....I was here first."

I was in his inner tube. my head had popped up from the water INSIDE HIS INNER TUBE. he had just been laying in his tube, enjoying the push and pull of the fake waves, when suddenly this girl's head POPS UP FROM THE WATER INSIDE HIS TUBE. 

In the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the word "mortify" is defined as "subject to severe and vexing embarrassment." there could also be another definition added - 

"like the time Hannah Morgan's head popped up in cute boy's inner tube"

I don't really remember what I said to him. I probably stuttered an apology. I then quickly went back under water and desperately searched for Jessica and my dignity. 

I found Jessica.

///

I tell you this story because I still crack up just thinking about it. 

I tell you this because it truly is my most embarrassing moment, and sometimes it's good to be vulnerable and be open about the times you wanted to crawl into a hole and live there the rest of your life out of sheer humiliation. 

I also tell you this to hopefully lighten your day/afternoon/evening.

 I hope that you laughed or least smiled. 

I love making people laugh. I think besides showing people the love of Jesus, teaching, and being the best mom to Monster, making people laugh is one of the most important life goals I have. 

I love you. Please go have a fantastic day. if the headlines, articles, etc. get too heavy for you - take a break. put your phone down. log off Facebook. go outside. take a deep breath. think of 3 things you are thankful for, and then move forward. I'm definitely going to try it! 

xoxo,

H

sweet moments // summer's end

hello, friends.

um, so summer is almost done? what? I'm only really okay with this fact because:
a. I love Fall (scarves, boots, smell of a bonfire, new school supplies, etc.)
b. my birthday is coming up (okay, it's in October but it's closer than it was last month!)

today was a joyous day in the House of Lord. I've grown to love my church family more and more. our pastor, Randall, spoke on God's Amazing Grace this morning - something that is so incredibly mind-blowing to me. come to find out, it was exactly what I needed to hear.

another great thing that happened was being able to worship with my praise team, the choir, and orchestra. our worship pastor Lee picked a great set of songs that illustrated the beauty of God's grace. I was overcome with so much JOY - something that I've been in such need of lately.

I shall now catch you up on Life's Happenings.

1. My time at Mother's Day Out came to end this past Thursday. I hugged and said goodbye to each of the little humans that have a found a special place in my heart. It's so fun to see some of them on Sunday mornings and hear "teacher! teacher!" and get more hugs! I really hope I've made an impact on their lives.

shaving cream fun!

"show me your hands!"

we iced cookies...

love their smiles!

takin' a walk

2. I have a couple more weeks with the kids I nanny. I have class on Mondays and Fridays so I won't be able to continue watching them thru the school year. I so wish I could - they're so fun and quite honestly, having that financial security is nice! They have also found a place in my heart - I will definitely volunteer my time if I'm needed on the weekends! :)

3. I begin classes on Wednesday the 20th. I have 6 classes, 16 credit hours ahead of me. Any prayers and words of encouragement are so welcomed you don't even understand! I'm excited to learn. I'm excited to be back in the classroom (I'll be in the classroom every day except Tuesday!) but as always I am anxious about the course load and amount of work. The Lord knows what is going to happen - He has gone before me...I just wish He could just get me those A's ;)

4. my best friend Bradee and I have gotten to spend some great time together these past couple of weeks. talk about a light in my life. all those cheesy quotes you read on Pinterest about best friends and how great they are? yeah. those all make sense to me because I've found my Person (Grey's Anatomy? anyone?) 

have you used the Party Party App yet? so fun.

I'll post again soon. (like, tonight) with more photos. 

thanks for reading :)

xoxo,

H

a personal day (literally)

today I did not go to work at First Baptist. last night I celebrated two of my best friend's birthdays, so we stayed out and about late and stayed in a hotel. it was so fun!

I got home around 11:00 this morning. after dropping my dad's car off at the fixer-upper place, we came back home and I saw my bed. my glorious, lovely, welcoming bed. I looked at dad, looked at my bed, and then said..."yeahhh, I'm gonna lay down for a little bit." this time last summer this would be a risky action to take. when I was having harder "down" days I could nap the day away and then not be able to sleep and the whole cycle would start all over again the next day. but today, I laid in bed, watched "Crazy, Stupid Love" and caught up on the social medias.

this time spent by myself (and Monster for a little bit) just made me realize/remember how many introvert tendencies I have. after a night of being out with a large group, talking and meeting new people, my heart and soul was ready for some quiet time. I needed to recharge!

I had an appointment with my therapist later in the afternoon. before I went, I got out of bed and cleaned my room and bathroom. talk about some pre-therapy therapy! I love putting things away, organizing - it gives me the feeling (a fleeting feeling - ha!) that I have a handle of my life.

when you are a survivor of a traumatic experience like rape, the things in life that allow you to have complete control are things that you love. when I have say in what I'm doing, when I'm doing something, and HOW I'm doing something I flourish. life in The After is so strange, but finding moments like today when I found a piece of control that was productive makes me feel less like a crazy person.

of course a trip to the dog park with Monster is always a great end to a good day. the weather was just perfect, there were tons of dogs, and I met a guy! his name is Austin, he's super sweet, funny, and 4 years old :) I got him to take a picture with me (his mom took one of us, too!) but I won't share just for their privacy. we talked about all the different kinds of dogs, the weather, and school - he was quite the charmer!

I hope your Tuesday was a good day. if not? take a deep breath - tomorrow is almost here (it's late!) and that means you get to start fresh. we need that.

I love y'all,
H

I work with kids // a lot.

hi dear ones,

ummmm it's July? when did that happen? (on the 1st, I know har har)

summer, as usual, is flying by.

I'm now working 3 jobs so it's been difficult to take the time to sit down and write words and post pictures.

so I'll talk at you and show you some pictures, sound good?

Job #1 - Mother's Day Out @ First Baptist in Blue Springs
Title - Teacher, Miss Hannah, "hey lady!"
Responsibilities - keep children alive, keep children out of trouble, teach them things, open juice boxes and Lunchables, love them, teach bathroom etiquette, etc.
Remarks - I am in love with 15 little four year olds. On the days that we have 10, I love them even more ;) I have learned so much from teaching these little ones. We have our challenging, long days but we also have sweet, happy days. the moments during the day that make me want to pull my hair out are forgotten when I hear, "I love you!" I'm learning about patience, love, and the importance of fun. each kiddo is so special to me.
Photos:

Job #2 - Gymboree Play & Music in Lee's Summit

Position - Teacher

Title - Miss Hannah, "hey lady!" 

Responsibilities - keep children alive, keep adults slightly entertained, sing and dance, talk really loudly, say things like, "let's not put our tongue on the slides, please", etc.

Remarks - I teach a lvl 6 (28-36 months) and a lvl 1 (0-6 months) on Thursday nights. I've done some subbing and birthday parties lately as well! My lvl 6 class has about 6-7 kiddos in it every week...we have lots of fun. The parents and I have gotten to know each other well - it's really nice to go to work and be able to enjoy the company. They also laugh at my jokes? so that's nice :)

I love these kiddos just as much as Mother's Day Out ones! It's so fun to see them growing and learning as they come each week. I like being a part of their lives!

Shameless plug - if you're interested in doing classes our website is here. 

Job #3- Nannying in Greenwood

Position - Nanny

Title - Hannah, mom (on accident)

Responsibilities - keep children alive, feed children, entertain children, change diapers, watch Disney Junior, play outside, etc.

Remarks - this past week was my first week to be with Kendan who is 6, and Camren who is almost 1. Kendan was one of my mom's students when she taught preschool last year. She told his parents that I was available to babysit and I did that about 5 times. They needed some help watching the baby and Kendan during the day on Monday and Friday so their mom can work and they asked me to do it for this summer! The first week went really well. We've played washers, had fun in the sprinkler, and played board games. Kendan is smart, funny, and really a good helper. Camren is a sweet and happy baby. She's been so fun and I'm just learning so much about how to love on and care for these kids! 

sassy girl

tricks!

so those are my days as of late. lots of children, all the time. 

I love how much I'm learning.

I also love that I'm being shown that this is what I'm supposed to be doing.

that validation and peace of mind is something I've needed so desperately. 

I love y'all so much! 

xoxo,

H

OH! Monster.

life lately // moments of joy

Recent Happenings for Hannah

my sweet cousin Harper sang in her preschool's Spring program last week. talk about cute overload. 

so focused. 

                                                             

picture with the star

 Monster is still the cutest critter there ever was. so thankful for him :)

I love painting mountains - strong and resilient. 

 I painted mom this for Mother's Day. I saw the burlap canvas and could NOT say no.

Harper and I sold vegetables at her family's garage sale. We make a great team. 

goofballs

Dad and I went to the Royals game this past Wednesday - a friend of his gave us some tickets! It was so fun. I even made friends with a baby sitting next us! (she was with her family...not a baby on its own.)

our neighborhood pool has opened and you better BELIEVE I've been soaking up all the rays and Vitamin D! 

thinking of each one of you as you go about these sweet first weeks of summer. isn't sunshine great? 

oh - you're great, too. 

xoxo,

H

all things bright & beautiful // nature

these past few weeks have been a little season of awareness for me. back in the beginning of this month dad noticed that there was a bird's nest in one of bushes in the front yard. inside the nest were two bright blue eggs and freshly hatched baby bird! 

momma bird doin' her thing

later that same day baby bird 1 was joined by baby bird 2 and 3!

It was amazing to see how much the little guys grew in such a short time. unfortunately 2 of the babies did not survive. we don't know what happened to the third one, I like to think he is flying somewhere - maybe taking care of baby birds of his own! although he would be awfully young to have a family.

so ever since this bird discovery I have become hyper-aware of all things nature. it just fascinates me that birds, these little creatures with tiny tiny brains, can construct a home for their youngsters. it blows my mind that birds can do that and I as a human can't remember to replace the toilet paper roll. 

I've started taking more pictures of beautiful things - mostly flowers and other random things of nature. I've really enjoyed having this kind of "awakening" to what's going on around me! 

ducks in Branson

one of my favorite things I've captured - ever.

a lizard. 

Bandit - a raccoon 

hope you enjoyed this picture post! :)

xoxo,

H

escape the ordinary // summer vacation 2014

hello, friends :)

the night of May 7th, a Wednesday, we packed dad's car with luggage and snacks for a the ride to Branson, MO. We had a room at Still Waters Resort near Silver Dollar City and planned to stay until Saturday. Monster was dropped off at Camp Bow Wow (not my favorite thing) and we were on the road!

Wednesday night we settled in and got to watch Late Night with Jimmy Fallon - I love that guy.

Thursday morning we woke up to a rainy, rainy day. we decided to go to a show and hope that the rest of the days would be nice to be outside!

we saw Jonah at the Sound & Sound Theatre. let's talk about a great show. before the showtime of 3:00 we paid for the backstage tour! our tour guide, Jenny, was in the ensemble of the cast and was fantastic. She was peppy, bubbly, and fun all without being annoying! I was the youngest person in the tour group so I volunteered to show everyone what a "quick change" is with costuming. it was fun asking her questions about the theatre and the others in the group being like, "what are you even talking about?" it was nice to be in the theatre environment again!

The show included lives animals and incredibly built set pieces. part of the tour was through the animal holding areas - I made some intense eye contact with a llama. The actors in the show were so great. we had good seats so it was nice to be able to see the facial expressions and set pieces up close. if you are in the Branson area this summer I would HIGHLY recommend this show!

You can find out more about Jonah here - and also the Bible.

Sight & Sound Theatre 

VIP status

view from the stage

tour guide - Jenny!

Friday morning we decided to get up and go down to the lake to kayak. Still Waters provided kayaks and paddle boats for free. It was my first experience kayaking - I was a bit nervous! once dad helped me get in the thing though I'd like to think I did really well. I loved figuring out the rhythm of paddling - it was relaxing. we saw lots of turtles, snakes, and a fish skeleton in the water! I don't have any pictures to prove that this happened - I was afraid I'd tip the kayak! 

after our water adventure we got cleaned up, headed into town and ate at the Fish House on the Branson Landing. talk about some good food! (and sweet tea) we sat outside and had a great view of the water - we also saw lots of birds and fish! 

I have no words.

so cute

the place with the food

a goose

he looks like a Peter to me.

after lunch we did some serious shopping on the landing and then at the Tanger Outlet Mall. 

Saturday morning, our last day, we packed up and checked out of our room. then we played miniature golf! if you don't already know this about me - I LOVE MINI GOLF. my favorite place to go in Branson is Pirate's Cove. there's a ship, a cave thingy, and they play 50's music - which now sounds weird to me because it's Pirate themed...

argh! or whatever

my momma! 

lovebirds

Saturday also happened to be my parents' 28th wedding anniversary. talk about an example of steadfast love. I'm so fortunate to have grown up in such a loving home and am now getting the chance again to see how marriage works. I've learned so much from them! 

after golf we ate and then headed home. a good car nap later and we were back to our little reality. and back to our (exhausted) critter. 

I love him so!

xoxo,

H