back to school // plans = ruined

hi, friends.

classes at UCM started yesterday, the 19th, a Tuesday. 

I somehow managed to build a schedule with no classes on Tuesdays - something I'm not complaining about.

so today, Wednesday the 20th, was the first day of my second year at UCM. 

it did not go as planned.

 I fell in love with school and learning at a young age.

back to school shopping was THE BEST. 

new pencils, notebooks, binders, etc.? ugh. my favorite. 

I love planning cute outfits to wear. for church, school, girl's night, etc. 

if there's something to plan what will look good - I'm all up on it.

I had picked out a skirt and cute tank top I would wear for my first day back on campus.

I planned on waking up in time to shower. (hahahaha)

I had planned to go by Starbucks and get an iced coffee as a "yay! school!" motivator.

I had planned and planned and LIFE (the villian in this story) was like, 

"that's what you think!"

sidenote: I recently met a guy, we'll say his name is Chad (his name is not really Chad) and we had gone on a couple of dates/outings. he is a super great guy, super funny, we got along really well, he met the parentals and it wasn't weird, he got my sarcasm and weird sense of humor, he's really attractive, it was going really well, blah blah blah.

Chad and I had made plans to see each other this coming Friday - yay, date! 

LIFE stepped in and was like, "ha! we'll see about that!"

this morning I woke up to a "we shouldn't go on any more dates" text. 

he was honest, respectful, and still a really nice guy at the same time saying 

"we're gonna be done before we even started, hope that's okay."

 it threw off my whole day. 

some people may say "well you weren't even exclusive" but hey, 

I'm human and we are allowed to feel. 

I am not weak for feeling let down, bummed, or a little ticked off. 

(and you are not weak for ever feeling those feels, either.)

so after waking up (late) to that, I had to rush to get ready.

the skirt and cute tank top did not happen. 

leggings and another tank top happened. 

a shower certainly didn't happen - thank Jesus for headbands.

Starbucks was so far out of the question it wasn't even a thought anymore. 

I was so frustrated. I drove the 30 miles to school with that stupid

"I feel like I'm going to cry at any moment" thing stuck in my throat, I listened to Jesus music, and prayed that I wouldn't snap at anyone who talked to me at school (oh don't worry, no one did.)

when I got to school I was rushed. I hate being rushed. I hate being late. 

Especially on the first day of a class - everyone turns and looks at you with their judging eyes. I've practiced my "I don't care that I'm late - I was out being awesome" face in the mirror. 

I definitely used it this morning. 

my first class (Career Development for Students with Disabilities aka "Party Time!") 

went by smoothly. 

it's a 50 minute class so it feels like you get there and then it's time to go. 

Next on the agenda was a trip to the bookstore.

I had a backpack full of books that I needed to return/sell back so I stood in line for about 20 minutes before I realized everyone else had receipts in their hands - I had been so distracted by The Text when I was getting ready that I hadn't even thought about grabbing it. I had to get out of line. One of those moments where I felt like everyone was watching me - when in reality the girl behind me was probably the only one who noticed. 

my next class wasn't until 2:00 so I had a chunk of time to kill. 

I went and found a seat at a table to breathe and listen to some music. 

when you have no friends and have to sit alone, music helps drown out the noise of others and allows your brain to rest. I reach into my bag for my headphones and my stomach sinks when I realize that they are at home - in the cute little basket where I keep headphones. I audibly groan, causing the girls at the end of the table to give me the look of "wow, that girl is ca-razy." 

I was so upset with myself - "really, Hannah? that's the one thing that could have helped you today!" 

I angrily eat my lunch I brought from home. drink my diet coke. people watch. 

I calmed down all over again - hard work. 

there was one thing that could be accomplished - picking up my parking permit. 

this made me feel less heavy. I drove to Parking Services, got my tag, and went to see Brie - a friend from church who lives in Warrensburg. 

we went to a mexican place, talked about life, and ate chips. 

she listened to my complaints and it helped a lot. 

a lot of times that's all we humans need - someone to listen. 

someone to nod their head, make those listening noises, etc.

Brie was excellent at that :)

I got to my 2:00 early, got a good seat, and settled in to learn about how much we're going to learn in World Masterpieces - a literature class. because I love to read and have an interest in history, I think I'm going to enjoy the class. it's going to be a lot of work - but a challenge is nice!

then it was time to go home. the thought of it made me sigh a huge sigh of relief. 

I stopped by Sonic for a cherry diet coke - a must. 

then drove home to Monster :)

I went to the pool for a little bit - had it all to myself - and actually got in all the way. 

*the crowd gasps*

I know, I know. 

swimming, pushing the water out of my way, going from one end to the other was just what my mind needed. 

after dinner mom and I went out and got manicures - a nice little "I'm sorry boys are silly" pick-me-up.

that lady is sweet. also a little clumsy with fresh paint on her nails :)

as I'm sitting here in bed after this day I can now say that I survived. 

at 9:45 this morning on the way to school I honestly didn't know if I was going to. 

but I was constantly reminded that Jesus was with me every step of the journey today. 

He kept reminding me that this was just a bad day.

 there are more days to come. 

there are more sunshines, sunsets, smiles, and tears. 

and for that? I am so thankful. 

so thankful that His still, small voice was cheering me on. 

"I'm on your side!" 

"I'm Team Hannah!" 

that's my God. my Father. my Beloved. 

I have been distant lately - we both know it - and yet He's still there, just like He is every day, 

rooting for me. blessing me, loving me, teaching me. 

and that, my friends, is exactly the way He has planned it. 

xoxo,

H