I hope you have enjoyed your weekend! I have. Lots of resting, reading, and refreshing. (did you like that alliteration?)
on Friday I didn't have to watch the kids, so I made a run to Hobby Lobby.
If you had asked me a year ago to walk into a Hobby Lobby, I'd shake my head violently and say "nope. not for me." that place used to give me serious anxiety. so many smells, the tinkering piano Jesus music, and so much...STUFF. it all overwhelmed me to a point of serious discomfort. fast forward a year on Friday and you would have found me in the clay aisle muttering* to myself, "hmmm..I could make clay animals..."
*when I shop by myself, which happens quite a lot, I talk to myself. not like, a couple of "hmmms" or casual sighs. I'm talking like, full out conversations with myself. if you were around the corner and couldn't see me but could hear me? you'd think I was with someone. I weigh my options of a purchase out loud, I make jokes with myself and actually laugh out loud - I'm crazy, y'all.*
back to Hobby Lobby - I've found a peace with it. I've discovered why people like it, um they have everything? that's a good reason. I can go in there and just lose myself in projects that I could do or rooms that I could decorate. it definitely gets my creative juices flowing. and it's just a store. so funny how that works, eh? it's funny because this feeling of peace of being alone in an environment that used to be so overwhelming to me is just a small sign of how much growth that has taken place over the past year.
also something that is different than a year ago - I no longer dread going to church. a year ago when I was making not so good decisions, I would be filled with so much dread, guilt, and weariness that the thought of church made me sick to my stomach. I would go occasionally. I'd put on my mask of "I'm fine, just fine." and I'd sit, stand, sway back and forth as I sang, go through all the motions. I'd talk to people, nod my head, say things like, "oh man what a crazy semester, right?" I was a small talk pro. I was the only one who knew it was completely empty. (in retrospect, I doubt I was the only one who knew..people knew, I just ignored that.) I grew to hate that place because I was lying to everyone around me, and myself.
this morning I woke up at 7:25 and got ready for church. I looked forward to our worship team leading us, I looked forward to looking at the Word with our pastor, and I looked forward to seeing those 4 year olds. those hugs, smiles, and the sound of their voices lifting up praises to the Savior who loves each and every one of them so incredibly much that he died. child-like faith is the best. it's inspiring. and I have the opportunity to see it every week. I get to watch and listen as Miss Joyce tells them the Bible story. I get to hear them answer questions about Jesus. and best of all - I get to love on them. I LOVE that part.
that's a lot of words about some heavy stuff. I hope you're still with me. I hope that maybe this helps someone. maybe someone will understand. understand that you are never alone. I promise.
okay, okay. now some pictures of some cute kids. I won't share names but I hope their smiles make you smile :)
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| silliness |
xoxo,
H
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